The Journey North…by car!

Well, the welcome home weekend is over….and i’m sure there’ll be a review of this weekends festivities, but for now, here is an accurate log of the journeys home from the end of the world (Falmouth) for some of the party…

The Journey North

Falmouth to Manchester

Log book entry
Car 1 Jess and the Ridgway’s

Car 2 Jenn, Suzi, Ian and Adele


Car 1 Hour 1: car is making funny noises.
Ian’s friend rang but Ian couldn’t hear him. so, assuming that his friends phone rang in his pocket we all yelled abuse down it, only to find that his friend was listening. Friend apologises profusely without knowing why.
Ian and Tom are constantly saying everything is fine. When, as a person who says ‘fine’ a lot, I know it’s complete rubbish.
I’ve cracked open a bottle of beer with a key i was that desperate.
Stopped after half an hour of driving as Tom got hungry. When stopped Ian broke his liquid deodorant over himself so I’m glad one of us smells nice. Ian also went to the toilet and came out with his hands bleeding and when receiving his change from the cashier, he put the change down his top.
Tom has also breached the panda chat ban. Mentally, I’m doing okay 🙂
Position: just leaving Truro
Car 2 Blog No.1 position Falmouth, course north, speed 30mph, cloud cover 2/8 m2. Spent the morning having coffees in the cafe and then beers on the boat. Approximately 30 minutes given for goodbyes, again! Fuel collected for vessel and crew! Mood relatively high!


Car 1 Hour 2: location- lost.
Ian and Tom are disputing the definition of a tractor.
Tom took wrong turn, so we are in process of getting back on track.
Discussion of 3 man driving has commenced.
Standby for hour 3 report
Car 2 Blog No. 2 position dartmoor, course continuing north, speed 40mph, Altitude ear popping. No stops require in this vessel. On the look out for a swerving punto. Discussions generally surrounding weddings, hen party’s and the faces we finally put famous names to. Mood remains good.


Car 1 Hour 3:
Tom didn’t want to helm anymore So we stopped at a servo. Jess has resorted to buying Tom and Ian ice cream and coffee so they stay awake. It’s a strategy for operation IWMM (I Want My Mummy).
Ian is briefing us on his hate if bushes and I fear that that he’s going to make a new lane on this motorway by demolishing the bushes along the side
Mental state: deteriorating.
Car 2 Blog No.3 position m5 jct 23, course still north, speed 70mph, no cloud. All calm on board, some of the crew are preparing for the afternoon nap. However a pit stop may be required soon for refueling. Mood, anxious as approaching Bristol! Black mini spotted.


Car 1 Hour 4. Location: M5 Jess perspective:Jess needs a wee. Tom and Ian have decided to test Jess in how long she can hold it for. They have given me a target of 16miles.
Due to lack of aircon, it’s pretty hot in here. Jess has taken her tights off and Tom has taken his too off and then handed his top to Jess. Jess isn’t quite sure what to do with it.
Ian has been given the finger by a fellow driver. We stopped at a servo so Jess could pee. Jess got stuck in a cubicle and radioed for support. We have removed Ian out of the driving seat.
Ian Perspective: Designated naked hour. Team Baked beans have gone down a storm after taking advantage of the natural car oven. No hope from for passing greenery as lost nipple in the butter. Operation Iwmm has been abandoned after car park angels. Stockholm syndrome near perfection


Car 2 Blog No. 4 position just north of Bristol, average speed slower due to blinking Bristol traffic, it’s no wonder it has a stool chart named after it! The crew were right to be anxious. Following a quick pitstop to change the helm this crew are back on track, passing the mr and mrs Thorpe car. The crew seem to have woken up again just in time for taste test, where each team had to analyse the ingredients they could taste in the crisps.


Car 1 Hour 5: stopped at another servo for sugar reload and we also lay on the ground and did angels. The fact that I am onto my third beer makes me blend in a lot more with the ridgeway species. Mental state: Stockholm syndrome.


Car 2 Blog No. 5 location spaghetti junction, speed damn average speed checks, course are we nearly north yet. Cloud cover 5/8, L2. The cards are out and so far Suzi has stripped jack naked twice, whilst a lot of rum-my has been happening! 3 further black mini’s have been spotted, and at the last minute a red BMW made an appearance.
Car 1: Day 7: I asked Ian what time operation IWMM will be completed. He told me that I’m going to a new home now.
Car 2 Blog No.6 location The North 15miles from home, speed made very good time in comparison the the journey south, course east? A little swell on the last leg making cards a little more difficult, however there was time for a little tat shopping online ensuring souvenirs to commemorate the journey back to the mother land, the beloved north! Goodbye and goodnight! Hope a pleasant journey was had by all.


Car 1 Day 28 in the ridgeway car. Tom asked me if I like walking. I think fear they are going to dump me on the side of the road soon.
1 mile from home!!
500m from home and toms I tears and Ian’s having an emotional breakdown. I was close.

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